Product

Tuesday night I went and got my hair cut and permed. Going to the salon is always some what interesting to me. I don't go to one of the $100 a hair cut places nether do I go to a $10 one. I go to one that would be considered average. Every time I go there whoever does my hair is pushing the product of the month or in this case the year.

Both this time and last time they used something in a silver bottle that smelled like grape gum. I use to love grape gum when I was nine. Now the smell is to sweet, and as I have a sever bee sting allergy, and work in the hospital I don't like to wear things with a strong sweet scent. So, when I ask them if it comes unscented I get this blank stare. When I explain why I don't wear scents they ask as if they understand what I am talking about. However, when I ask them after the try to get me to buy said product if it comes unscented they look at me as if I have lost my head.

Then they call it Product, as if that is the name of the product. Why do they do that? Is it to to sound more fancy? It sound more upscale? Or is it to drive people crazy?

Tirade

I wrote out by hand a long tirade about my job and what I wish that people would understand about it. I however left it in the car and am right now not dressed enough to go out and get it. I will have to post it at a later date. Of course knowing me there will be some revisions to it. I can never leave things like that alone.

When I was in college my writing teachers all preferred my rough drafts to the finished work. People say that an individual is their own worst critic. For me I belief that is true in my writing and in my stitching. I never like what I write and I expect my stitching to be perfect.

One of these days I am going to have to put up a story that I have written so that anyone who wants to can see what I mean about not liking the way that I write. If it is something that I have to think about for a long time or work on repeatedly, then I know that I will not be happy with the end results.

This weekend was one where the Boy had some friends over. He loved it, I loved it. I have spent over $70 on pizza for them. Yes, most of them are on the HS football team. They did not eat all the pizza, but it does freeze nicely so I have some extras to pull out on an as needed basis.

Sunday I made the mistake of taking the Boy to Orca Books with me. He and the one kid who spent the night did not get to bed until 3am. So he was not in the mood to hang out at a book store. There were a lot of things there that I wanted to get but I limited myself to two books one for him and one for me and then Honey will get it mailed to her.

This picture I took with my new camera. It does prove that even tho we are getting a lot of rain and cold weather we are still in spring.

Long Distance

There are more times than others when long distance relationships are harder for me. Yesterday was one. I got at txt from Honey, and she desperately needed a hug. She later told me that she is working on something that is frustrating. She did manage to get one line and then almost a second one done today. I could hear it in her voice that this job was going to bother her until she gets it finished.

There are also the times when I see couples doing every day things together. Walks, grocery shopping the list could go on and on. I would love to be able to do that with her, and I know that one day we will. I just have to wait.

The good news is that it is now about 13 days before I get to see her again. Another waiting. Arrgggg!!

Just checked the time and I am going to be late for work have to run.

Projects

Today is an unexpected day off. That sometimes happens the hospital is over staffed, or there are lots of empty beds. I think today it was over staffing. This will give me time to work on my projects that I have going on. I am working on a cross stitch of a painting called "Day Surrendering into Night". Honey picked it out, and while there are times it is sending me into fits I know that she will like it when it is done. If you want to see what it looks like here is the link http://www.kustomkrafts.net/New%20Website/counted%20pages/99143page.htm .

I have a few other things that I am working one but I am not anywhere near ready to start thinking about.

Tonight my group of witches/pagans gathers to talk about what we have learned and still have to learn. I love going when I can. I missed the last one as it was a school function night. I want to bring up ley lines and how to find them. I know that Seattle is the only city that has them all mapped out. But when I am on vacation with Honey I want to see if I can find one there.

Just 16 more days until I get to hold her again. Oh it seems like forever since I last saw her. I know that is not the case but that is what it feels like.

The A-Z

Yes, I stole the questions from other sites but the answers are all mine.

A is for your age: Just turned 38

B is for your burger of choice: I have not found one to rave over, they are all about the same.

C is for the car that you drive:Plymouth Neon

D is for dog's name: I currently don't have a dog but they have been named, Woy-Woy, Eatm Eatm on the Floor, Moose, Queenie, Pudge, Snoozie, Buster, Duchess, Sparkie,Bandit, Bambi

E is for an essential item you use each day:Bio-silk as a leave in conditioner.

F is for your favorite television show: I don't watch TV so I don't know what is on. I do rent videos of TV shows and can't wait to watch the next part of L-Word

G is for favorite game:Any Zelda game, and Guitar Hero

H is for hometown:Olympia, WA

I if for instruments played:Guitar and Harmonica

J is for favorite juice:I like tangy juices pomegranate, cranberry, V-8 with Tabasco sauce to make it spicy

K is for what you'd like to kick: Gas Prices I would love to knock them down

L is for the last restaurant you dined at: Breakfast at the New Moon yummy. Then I know it is not a restaurant but we had dinner last night at Big Tom's it is a drive up take out. I loooove their milkshakes

M is for your favorite Muppet: Animal, Animal he is so cool.

N is for the number of piercings you have:Two one in each ear

O is for overnight hospital stays: Lots, I had pneumonia as a kid and would stay a few nights each time

P is for people you were with today:Everyone is still asleep so just me.

Q is for what you do in quiet times: Read, do crafts

R is for regrets:I regret secrets, I have some that I still have to keep just for a little while longer.

T is for the time you woke up today: The first time 5am then I went back to bed and slept until 8:454.

U is for what you consider unique:Without spell check my spelling.I also have to admit that my sense of humour is not normal.

V is for favorite vegetable:Green beans, no peas, no brussel sprouts, no green peppers, no jalapenos, no carrots, no mushrooms. I like a lot

W is for your worst habit:Voyeur, thank the blogs for blog. I also bite my finger nails

X is for x-rays you have had:Lots, chest for pneumonia, back for injuries, knee for injuries

Y us for yummy food you ate today:After I get off the computer I will make coffee, but I have not eaten anything yet.

Z is for zodiac sign:Gemini I am a twin, and I think that most people will say that fits me.

Frustration

Yesterday I was on my way to work, and I got stuck in a traffic jam that I thought I was never going to get out of. Let me explain. On I-5 here in Washington we have these blue signs with an AM radio station number on them, when the lights are flashing you tune in and find out what is going on.

Yesterday on the way to Tacoma just outside of Nisqually there is one of those signs so I tuned in and found out that at the bridge the two right lanes were closed due to a one car roll over. The truck (as it turns out) was hauling a camper trailer so it was blocking all the lanes. I did what any good person who does not want to get fired does, I called my work.

"This is me, tell the hospital that there is a bad accident and I will be late. No, I don't know how late. Thanks"

A few minutes later (by now I had been sitting there not moving for about 20 minutes) I get a call back from my company. "Hi, the hospital does not need you to come in today. They cancelled your shift last night but no one called to tell you. You can turn around and go home now."

Well, thanks. I have wasted gas, time, and I had about 2 more miles of sitting in this mess before I came to the next exit. So with not much I can do I turned on the radio to see if there was some good music on. The radio station was giving a traffic report. It turns out that in the camper the driver was hauling parrots, and they go loose. So everyone was out trying to catch the birds. AAARRRGGGG!!!!

What had me frustrated the most was the fact that my company knew Wednesday night that I did not have to be at the hospital in the morning and did not bother to tell me. I know that most of the staffers quit, and that we are working and breaking in new ones but it has been two weeks start putting it together.

Raining

I woke up this morning and it is raining here again. I know it should be no surprise look where I live. I personally like the rain, I love laying in bed and listening to it fall on the carport. The sound is relaxing and hypnotic. I know that when it rains it is usually a good day at work, the rain and the dark clouds seem to mellow the patients out.

I know I have been blogging about work a lot. I think I am starting to get a bit of burn out. It is not the patients, or the docs, or even the administration. I think it is me. I need a change. Not in the weather or where I live or even my job. Just some sort of change.

I am going on vacation for a week to Idaho but that is not until the end of June. I am so looking forward to that. My Honey said that I can get my birthday present then, and she has given me a good one. I miss her so much.

Yesterday at work as I was leaving the hospital I was following two women out, I could not see their faces but they made me feel so happy and sad at the same time. One of them reached over and took the others hand. They walked out of the hospital that way. I did notice people staring at them, and I sorely wished that Honey and I lived close enough that we could do that.

News Media

I so looooove the news media, and I say that with all the eye rolling sarcasm that I can manage. A few months ago the news media was all over MRSA the big bad NEW scary staff infection. Schools closed when kids were diagnosed with having it. Everyone had to be on alert it was going to sneak up and bite you. Well, yes it is bad and nasty, yes it can make you very sick and even kill you. BUT it has been recognized as a disease sense 1968, everyone who has ever set foot in a hospital, a mall, or any other place where there are lager groups of people have come in contact with MRSA.

This time around it is all about C-Diff. C-Diff is one nasty scary bug it is hard to get rid of easy to get. For C-Diff all the had sanitizer in the world will not help. Only soap and water gets it off the skin.

This year we were to have had a horrible flu season, at least according to the news. I work full time in the hospital and I only saw 3 cases of diagnosed flu. Three out of more than a thousand patients that I have had sense December.

I think the news grabs a disease and runs with it getting their information from other news sources. If a disease comes out on the news and it makes you afraid. That is what they want, do what they don't want get informed. Go to medical web sites most of them are out there for everyone to read.

Birthday Wishes

Yesterday even tho I posted and went about my day I was in a rather "whatever" mood. I was so bad that I had people commenting on it. It lasted until I talked to Honey last night, I think we had fun but I am moving to far forward.

I got home and we had chicken for dinner and I was still in that funk. I made lemon bars, yummy. My brother asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I did the honorable thing and lied, I told him I don't know, when I knew what I wanted. W hat if you could have your hearts desire would you want? World peace does not count. This is for a selfish wish, the new car, Pyrex measuring cups, or whatever you want but that you cannot say.

Then took a long hot bath. When I was in the tub my phone started to chirp, I had missed a call or a txt. Not in a hurry to get out of the water I let it annoyingly beep for about 20 minutes. After I got dressed I picked up the phone to see why it was beeping and it rang almost made me toss it across the room it startled me so much. It was Honey. She and I talked about things for a while, the news, NY decision on recognizing gay marriages from out of state, the whale in The Sound. Then just before our phone batteries died she told me what my birthday gift is going to be. I just have to wait for it. That is a month until I can collect, and Honey if you are reading this I will collect.

She is giving me one of the most wonderful things she can. She knows what it is and I know what it is and if you have any imagination you can figure it out.

Hospitals

I am amazed at the things people do to themselves. At the hospital a lot of the patients that I see come in with things that they could have prevented. There is a kid who is going to loose both his legs because he used a dirty needle and then did not seek treatment when the injection sites got infected. The 2 pack a day smoker who goes out of the hospital to smoke and when he comes back inside has to have breathing treatments just so his lungs don't stop working.

There are illnesses, accidents, births, operations that come through. I want out of the medical field but I am scared to leave. I know that the EDs are full of people who should go to their Dr. not the hospital. I know how many empty beds that we have on a given day. I also know that because I am in nursing, that if there were an outbreak or a natural disaster of some sort and my son or I needed treatment we would get it. Only so that I could keep working, to take care of everyone else out there.

I work in a 200 bed hospital, and twice last week we had to shut the doors because we had people in beds on the halls, and not just in the ED. Not good. What if there were a disaster, or an outbreak. We would have to send them away. I know that because we were full that meant the other 3 hospitals in the town were full too. Scary.

Late in life

Today is all about being late. I am running late for work but if I am going to blog more I have to do it in the early morning. The reason being is that I am still in the closet to them. They think that I have no desire to date, that is not true. I wish that Honey and I lived close enough to date.

I was thinking about something I read and how more and more women my age are admitting to themselves that they are either bi or lesbians. I don't know about others but for me it is the fact that I have come to realize that for me to be happy I have to admit who I am and not what people expect me to be.

I got married because that was expected of me, after my divorce I let others think I was more promiscuous than I was. All to look like I were "normal". Well, "normal" did not make me happy. It made me ambivalent. Yes, there are some good looking men out there just as there are some good looking women. None compare to my Honey she is beautiful.

Is this a late awakening in life or is it that I can finally be free to be who I am?

Yesterday

Yesterday was Memorial Day. I know that I should have posted something about it when I got up in the morning, but I could not. I live in a base community and we have flags out in honor of all the people who have lost their lives in this and in past wars. My family on both sides has had someone in every war this country has been in, and even before then. Both sides came over here before the Revolutionary war. I have lost great uncles, cousins, people who I have only heard stories about. My grandfather was in WWII, he lost brothers there. My dad served in peace time. I have cousins serving now.

Today I can think about them. Yesterday it would have been to much to think about. All the activities, sales, camping, and parties for the three day weekend. I want to say thank you all who have served and who still do.

Work

I am like a subcontractor at work. I am employed by a company that sends me out to hospitals to work for the hospital and usually they are on top of my work week. Well, this week there is a problem. I was told that I would be in a clinic for the week starting at 830am. Great, I get to sleep in. Right, wrong. The clinic decided over two weeks ago that they did not need my services and because of that I now get to work on the hospital floor a 6am start. Great, no sleeping in. Right, WRONG. It turns out that the person who schedules me did not change the computer and now they can't call the clinic as they are closed until Tuesday BUT, I still have to work today. It took 4 days for them to get today straightend out. I still don't know what I am to work Tuesday and the office is closed today for the holiday.

Now this in not the average on what happens. They are usually so good at having things worked out, I don't know if someone forgot to change the computer or if there is a whole big mess up. I guess I will find out at later.

Long Distance

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I did not work and so I did a bunch of errands went to the library, farmers market, the mall, and a few other stores. Days like that are when I miss Honey the most. She told me that it had been raining where she lives and that all she wanted to do was light a fire, unfold the hid-a-bed, and lay there with me and watch it rain. I on the other hand wanted her here, to wander about the market with, to shop with and to just spend the day with her.

I knew that when we agreed that we are a couple that having a long distance relationship would be hard. I just did not know how hard. Having said that I would not end this relationship for anything. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. (Well, that is a bit of an awkward statement, the Boy I love more than I have ever loved anyone, but any parent will know that it is not the same kind of love.)

It is to early for me to start counting the days but having said how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship, we are going to meet up again. This time in Idaho for five days. I get five days with her. To talk to and hold and be with her. I know why Idaho, lets just say that were we are going has special meaning for us. We are also not going alone. Our friend from NJ is going to be there too, and as we have not seen each other in a year this will be a wonderful trip.

Today is the second time that I have been woken up by my upstairs neighbors. I know that they are having sex, it does not sound like making love. Their bed is so loud that it sounds like a washer out of balance. Today and yesterday at 3am. Thud thud thud with an occasional squeak tossed in for variety. So I am going to go back to bed.

Gay Marrage in California

This morning and until I had my lunch break I held my breath. The TV in one of my patients rooms is kept on the news and every time I would go in there I would look to see what story was on. It was not until I went to lunch and was able to get on the Internet that I read the news. I was so thrilled and happy when I went back out on the floor that people kept asking me if I had gotten good news. Good News, Wonderful News. When I move to CA in a few years Honey and I have the option of getting married. No worrying about hospital visits, decisions, legal issues. I know that I live in Washington and that we have rights as partners but not as wife and wife. There is to me a big difference.

What has me so excited about CA judges upholding marriage is that CA is a trend setting state for a lot of things. Laws, what is "cool", even my work is influenced by what CA hospitals are doing. Tonight I will celebrate a victory for love, and commitment. I would love to crash a lesbian wedding and celebrate with them. Share there joy at being happy.

4 to 3. Thank you to those 4 California judges. Thank you very very much.

I did it

I know that to some who have been blogging for a while that getting links added are no big deal but I have added a play list. It was had to choose the music that I like to fit on here. Of course there are some songs not on there. The artists are not popular or the songs are not well known. I tried to add some James Cotton, Charlie Musslewhite but as they are blues only a few songs of theirs are on there, and they are not the best choice.

In June, my Honey and I are getting together for a whole week ok well 5 days. I can't wait, I have plans. We are not going someplace exciting we are just going to a small town in Idaho this trip is to relax and just be together. No meetings, no deadlines except to catch our flights back home.

I am also thinking about going to SF for a weekend. There is a glass artist who is going to have a huge display at the de Young. His name is Dale Chihuly (http://www.chihuly.com/ ) he has some very beautiful glass out there. I will admit that some of it is just plain strange but then he is the artiest and it is his vision not mine. There are some pieces that I would love to see. I will have to see how finances are.

I am also fighting a cold this weekend. I was going to work yesterday but woke up with no energy and a sore throat. Thank the Goddess that today it is nearly gone. Being sick did accomplish one thing I got my bedroom cleaned. I lost the DVD remote and had to find it. Of course it was the only thing under the bed, along with a lost sock, and a newspaper.

Today is Mother's Day wooohoo. Can you hear the sarcasm in that. I don't understand holidays like this, and yes I am a mother. I do have to say that right now the sun is out and that is a wonderful surprise.

Back from the Windy City

Tuesday I left for Chicago and the flight out was ok. I was more excited about seeing my honey then being scared on the plane. I did have a nice smooth flight out and that for me is a great thing as I am not a good one to fly.



I got to the airport and because it was O'Hara the gate where Honeys flight landed changed about 5 times before I got to the right terminal. That is ok because I got in about 30 minutes early just enough time to grab some coffee to help steady my nerves. She flew in with her boss and so we all shared a cab ride over to the hotel. That was a bit awkward as all I wanted to do was touch her.



That is ok once we got into the hotel room there was a lot of touching. She did have to leave and go to the meetings, but we both new that was a part of the deal. I did hate it, but at least she got to come back to me.



On Wednesday we walked to Lake MI as she has never seen any of the great lakes. I love being able to share experiences like that with her. We then went back to the room for more never mind. We also went and saw Wrigley field. I am not a baseball fan and neither is she but it was a neat old building. It is to bad that it is going to be torn down.

Coming back was hard. The flight out was rough lots of turbulence and the seat belt light remained on for most of the flight.

It is not the flight that made it bad coming back home. It is that my Honey and I had to say good by again. I miss her so much, I have an ache that just won't go away when she is not here.

There is good news, we are going to be having a week together at the end of June. A week no meetings, no plans just being together. Then she is talking about December and seeing if we can get tickets to go to and see Cher. I am hoping that these trips will make the time seem shorter until we can actually live together and not have to worry about long good bys.

2 Days

In two days now I am going to see my love again. I don't know why we can't seem to get our timing right but we are both having 'Aunt Flo', visit. I love that antiquated term, it always makes me laugh when I hear it. Aunt Flo, is just one of the many slang terms used for that "time of the month". I am so thankful that when I missed out on the usage of the term "on the Rag." Period is ok, but it reminds me of the end of a sentence. "The curse" sounds like a bad B horror movie. Then there is the "monthly visitor" who stays on for days.

Why is it that something for women that use to be revered and celebrated showing her as a part of the Goddess is now derogatory. It use to not be that way. This was a sign of fertility and from her point of view we should be celebrating this monthly cycle. However, in the male dominated society this is an evil shameful thing. But this is not what I was going to write about.

My lover and I are meeting again in 2 days. I started my visit with Aunt Flo on Saturday, and her Aunt Flo showed up today. How is it that we can live about a thousand miles apart and be on the same cycle? Can you all hear us screaming in frustration, but at least we have other options.

Secret Desire

It is just a about 10 days until I get to see Blue again, and I realize that I am having problems with my thoughts. It is not that I don't want to see her, or that I do not love her anymore. It is how I am thinking of her. She is my girlfriend and I want to think of her as my wife. This is not a new development it is just something that is getting stronger and stronger. I love her and I want to be with her forever. I know that sounds High Schoolish, but right now that is the way that I feel.

I want to tell her that and I know that I gave her the link to this site. I don't know if she reads it or not. We are not the same person and we have our own diffrences. For that I love her, that she loves me for me even when I am in the mood to listen to 99 Dead Baboons or Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep.

Gay bar and Me

This Tuesday I went to my first gay bar. I did not go looking for love or a roll in the hay. I went to see what is was all about and what they had to offer. I went butched up, as I felt more confident that way. Jeans, black t-shirt, white unbuttoned dress shirt, and my leather bomber jacket. I went with a friend I use to work with she went for the Karaoke.

We were carded upon entering and the place looked like a "normal" bar. Stage, dance floor and booze. I was drinking double shots of tequila, H was drinking some fruity thing. We talked and looked around and listened to some good and some bad singers. At about 1am when the place started to empty out a dyke came up to me and we danced to a song. Now I have told Honey all about this so don't worry she knows. The girl was not a bad dancer, however she was so drunk she could hardly talk and she was a smoker. Thank Goddess, it was only one dance. All the spinning was making me dizzy and not from the tequila. H got me something to drink called a cherry bomb. Turns out that had Red Bull in it and after several weeks of High Fructose Corn Syrup free, all that sugar made me ill.

Yes, I know it was the HFCS. I developed shakes, then later that night diarrhea. A Dr. I know said that if you are not use to eating HFCS when you have some again it does give you loose stools. That is good to know if I ever get constipated. Just have a soda and clear it all up.

Just about two weeks until I see Honey again and boy do I have plans for that. No, you can use your own imagination on that.