October 23

Today my dad would have been 74. He has been gone now for 4 years this December, just before Christmas. I still miss him.

This Man Made Me Cry

Maine is fighting for marriage rights. I know that Pam' House Blend has been doing some wonderful reports on what is going on there. I saw this video over at her place and Mr. Spooner I just want to say thank you.

I tried to get the video to upload on here but I could not do it. I will have to figure it out when I am not so worn out. So here is the link to see and hear what Mr. Phillip Spooner said. It is well worth the three minutes to watch.

This man is a hero in so many ways, not just because he supports Marriage Equality, or that he is a WWII Veteran. But because he is both.

National Coming Out Day

I have read some of the other coming out stories that people have posted on blogs and I love reading them. So in honor of Nation Coming Out Day, I am going to post about mine. I am going to post about the hardest one that I had to come out to, myself.

When I was about 19 I got married, just because I thought that is what I was supposed to do. After I got married I got pregnant and I would not change having my son for anything. He was the best thing to happen to me. When I was about 4 months pregnant I moved to another state and my soon to be ex followed for about a week, then he left. After the divorce I had no interest in being in a relationship, even the thought of dating a man had no interest for me. I just thought that it was from having that failed marriage.

Years went by; I mean like 15 no dates, no desire to go out on one. I thought, still being the good girl, that men were my only option. It is not that I don’t like men, I do, they are great to tease, watch football with, or play video games with.

Then one day I was online in a chat room and started talking to this person. She and I would be online most nights at about the same time, as would another girl. After about a year there was a concert that we all wanted to go to in Idaho. So we decided that we were going to meet there. At that first meeting nothing happened we just became closer friends. As the next year went by we began talking on the phone more, less online.

Then three months before a bunch of us (7) were to get together in New Jersey, I thought I had fallen in love with her. I did convince myself that it was not love but a deep friendship, that the only reason that I was feeling that love was because it had been 15 years, and I was lonely. Then came the trip, boy was I wrong.

Talk about an identity crisis. Every time I looked at her I got the shakes, my insides would turn all quivery and not in a good way. I was terrified, of her of me. Everyone kept asking what was wrong was I ok. How could I tell them, these were people that I knew, people that I trust and that trusted me?

When I was finally able to talk to her about what I was feeling, what I was going through. She said that she wished she could help me, that I was her friend and that seeing me torn up like this was hurting her. But, she did not love me that way. I cried myself to sleep in the Philly airport when she got on the plane to go back to CA.

For three more months we talked and emailed, and as those months rolled along I became more comfortable with myself, my new found truth. Then one day, three months later she told me that she loved me too. That was about three years ago, she is now my Honey. As for me I am happier than I have ever been.

So I came out to myself at age 36.

HELP! I need advice.

Each October I buy a new breast cancer tee shirt. I have one that says "Caught you looking at my tatas", "boobs rock", and "My lucky tatas". I love these shirts I do get dirty looks wearing them or I get people who really like them. I do like the dirty looks the best. This year however, I did not see any in the women's shirts that I like so I went to see what Save the Tatas have for men. I have found three that I like.

I would get all three of them, but I am in desperate need of new scrubs for work and those are not cheap so I am limited to one. I would like some input on the shirts that I am thinking about. Here is #1 Tee shirt and this is # 2 Tee shirt and this is #3 Tee shirt.

So if you want to vote for a Tee, just leave a message in the comments.

So What is in you Music Player

I was listening and uploading more songs to my ipoop and it got me wondering what else or who else others are listening to. I have songs that I change out on mine and some that will never get taken off. So here is a list of what is always and stays on my iPoop.

Chick Habit by April March
Mercy by Duffy the acoustic version
Closer to Fine by The Indigo Girls with Brandi Carlile acoustic version
Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake
One by Metallica
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by Scissor Sisters
Come on Eileen by Dexie's Midnight Runners
Thought the Fire and Flames by Dragonforce
No More Cloudy Days by The Eagles
The Joker and Hallelujah by k d lang
(I'll Be Glad When You're Dead) You Rascal You by Louie Armstrong
Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourn
Orange Sky by Alex Murdoch
Come to My Window by Melissa Etheridge the acoustic version
The Boxer by Carbon Leaf the acoustic version

So what songs stay on you music player?

Brain Deadedness and Some Good News

OK, so I know that deadedness is not a work. However, that seems to be where I am stuck at right now. I don't even know if that is the proper term for what I am not feeling. I am an avid reader, in a typical day I can easily get through 2 books of 300+ pages. Lately I have not been able to get thought one. Even my favorite author holds no interest for me and I have been waiting for his new book for months now.

I know I am not depressed, I have been there before and this is not the same. It is not a lack of attention span. It is almost as if I have read, seen or done every thing that there is. I want something new and there is nothing new out there. Even games that I love are holding no interest for me.

I think I need to see about taking a class somewhere for something. Maybe take up painting, or pottery making, or ASL or something.

The good news is that in November Honey is coming up here. I am so excited it seems like forever sense I last saw her. I actually think it was 4 years ago, I know it was only in September but still that was years and years ago.

Oh for those of you in Washington state if there is anyone else out there from here. Remember to vote Approve on Ref 71.

Queasy

I had a long sarcastic post I was going to write up. I will have to do that later. Someone who knows better came to work sick, just because she did not want to call in. Now I am not feeling well nothing major, just a queasy in the stomach. So I don't really want to concentrate on any thing harder watching bad made for TV disaster movies.

I think I am going to go back to the couch.