Friday, May 30, 2008

Birthday Wishes

Yesterday even tho I posted and went about my day I was in a rather "whatever" mood. I was so bad that I had people commenting on it. It lasted until I talked to Honey last night, I think we had fun but I am moving to far forward.

I got home and we had chicken for dinner and I was still in that funk. I made lemon bars, yummy. My brother asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I did the honorable thing and lied, I told him I don't know, when I knew what I wanted. W hat if you could have your hearts desire would you want? World peace does not count. This is for a selfish wish, the new car, Pyrex measuring cups, or whatever you want but that you cannot say.

Then took a long hot bath. When I was in the tub my phone started to chirp, I had missed a call or a txt. Not in a hurry to get out of the water I let it annoyingly beep for about 20 minutes. After I got dressed I picked up the phone to see why it was beeping and it rang almost made me toss it across the room it startled me so much. It was Honey. She and I talked about things for a while, the news, NY decision on recognizing gay marriages from out of state, the whale in The Sound. Then just before our phone batteries died she told me what my birthday gift is going to be. I just have to wait for it. That is a month until I can collect, and Honey if you are reading this I will collect.

She is giving me one of the most wonderful things she can. She knows what it is and I know what it is and if you have any imagination you can figure it out.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


I am amazed at the things people do to themselves. At the hospital a lot of the patients that I see come in with things that they could have prevented. There is a kid who is going to loose both his legs because he used a dirty needle and then did not seek treatment when the injection sites got infected. The 2 pack a day smoker who goes out of the hospital to smoke and when he comes back inside has to have breathing treatments just so his lungs don't stop working.

There are illnesses, accidents, births, operations that come through. I want out of the medical field but I am scared to leave. I know that the EDs are full of people who should go to their Dr. not the hospital. I know how many empty beds that we have on a given day. I also know that because I am in nursing, that if there were an outbreak or a natural disaster of some sort and my son or I needed treatment we would get it. Only so that I could keep working, to take care of everyone else out there.

I work in a 200 bed hospital, and twice last week we had to shut the doors because we had people in beds on the halls, and not just in the ED. Not good. What if there were a disaster, or an outbreak. We would have to send them away. I know that because we were full that meant the other 3 hospitals in the town were full too. Scary.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Late in life

Today is all about being late. I am running late for work but if I am going to blog more I have to do it in the early morning. The reason being is that I am still in the closet to them. They think that I have no desire to date, that is not true. I wish that Honey and I lived close enough to date.

I was thinking about something I read and how more and more women my age are admitting to themselves that they are either bi or lesbians. I don't know about others but for me it is the fact that I have come to realize that for me to be happy I have to admit who I am and not what people expect me to be.

I got married because that was expected of me, after my divorce I let others think I was more promiscuous than I was. All to look like I were "normal". Well, "normal" did not make me happy. It made me ambivalent. Yes, there are some good looking men out there just as there are some good looking women. None compare to my Honey she is beautiful.

Is this a late awakening in life or is it that I can finally be free to be who I am?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Yesterday was Memorial Day. I know that I should have posted something about it when I got up in the morning, but I could not. I live in a base community and we have flags out in honor of all the people who have lost their lives in this and in past wars. My family on both sides has had someone in every war this country has been in, and even before then. Both sides came over here before the Revolutionary war. I have lost great uncles, cousins, people who I have only heard stories about. My grandfather was in WWII, he lost brothers there. My dad served in peace time. I have cousins serving now.

Today I can think about them. Yesterday it would have been to much to think about. All the activities, sales, camping, and parties for the three day weekend. I want to say thank you all who have served and who still do.

Monday, May 26, 2008


I am like a subcontractor at work. I am employed by a company that sends me out to hospitals to work for the hospital and usually they are on top of my work week. Well, this week there is a problem. I was told that I would be in a clinic for the week starting at 830am. Great, I get to sleep in. Right, wrong. The clinic decided over two weeks ago that they did not need my services and because of that I now get to work on the hospital floor a 6am start. Great, no sleeping in. Right, WRONG. It turns out that the person who schedules me did not change the computer and now they can't call the clinic as they are closed until Tuesday BUT, I still have to work today. It took 4 days for them to get today straightend out. I still don't know what I am to work Tuesday and the office is closed today for the holiday.

Now this in not the average on what happens. They are usually so good at having things worked out, I don't know if someone forgot to change the computer or if there is a whole big mess up. I guess I will find out at later.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Long Distance

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I did not work and so I did a bunch of errands went to the library, farmers market, the mall, and a few other stores. Days like that are when I miss Honey the most. She told me that it had been raining where she lives and that all she wanted to do was light a fire, unfold the hid-a-bed, and lay there with me and watch it rain. I on the other hand wanted her here, to wander about the market with, to shop with and to just spend the day with her.

I knew that when we agreed that we are a couple that having a long distance relationship would be hard. I just did not know how hard. Having said that I would not end this relationship for anything. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. (Well, that is a bit of an awkward statement, the Boy I love more than I have ever loved anyone, but any parent will know that it is not the same kind of love.)

It is to early for me to start counting the days but having said how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship, we are going to meet up again. This time in Idaho for five days. I get five days with her. To talk to and hold and be with her. I know why Idaho, lets just say that were we are going has special meaning for us. We are also not going alone. Our friend from NJ is going to be there too, and as we have not seen each other in a year this will be a wonderful trip.

Today is the second time that I have been woken up by my upstairs neighbors. I know that they are having sex, it does not sound like making love. Their bed is so loud that it sounds like a washer out of balance. Today and yesterday at 3am. Thud thud thud with an occasional squeak tossed in for variety. So I am going to go back to bed.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Gay Marrage in California

This morning and until I had my lunch break I held my breath. The TV in one of my patients rooms is kept on the news and every time I would go in there I would look to see what story was on. It was not until I went to lunch and was able to get on the Internet that I read the news. I was so thrilled and happy when I went back out on the floor that people kept asking me if I had gotten good news. Good News, Wonderful News. When I move to CA in a few years Honey and I have the option of getting married. No worrying about hospital visits, decisions, legal issues. I know that I live in Washington and that we have rights as partners but not as wife and wife. There is to me a big difference.

What has me so excited about CA judges upholding marriage is that CA is a trend setting state for a lot of things. Laws, what is "cool", even my work is influenced by what CA hospitals are doing. Tonight I will celebrate a victory for love, and commitment. I would love to crash a lesbian wedding and celebrate with them. Share there joy at being happy.

4 to 3. Thank you to those 4 California judges. Thank you very very much.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I did it

I know that to some who have been blogging for a while that getting links added are no big deal but I have added a play list. It was had to choose the music that I like to fit on here. Of course there are some songs not on there. The artists are not popular or the songs are not well known. I tried to add some James Cotton, Charlie Musslewhite but as they are blues only a few songs of theirs are on there, and they are not the best choice.

In June, my Honey and I are getting together for a whole week ok well 5 days. I can't wait, I have plans. We are not going someplace exciting we are just going to a small town in Idaho this trip is to relax and just be together. No meetings, no deadlines except to catch our flights back home.

I am also thinking about going to SF for a weekend. There is a glass artist who is going to have a huge display at the de Young. His name is Dale Chihuly ( ) he has some very beautiful glass out there. I will admit that some of it is just plain strange but then he is the artiest and it is his vision not mine. There are some pieces that I would love to see. I will have to see how finances are.

I am also fighting a cold this weekend. I was going to work yesterday but woke up with no energy and a sore throat. Thank the Goddess that today it is nearly gone. Being sick did accomplish one thing I got my bedroom cleaned. I lost the DVD remote and had to find it. Of course it was the only thing under the bed, along with a lost sock, and a newspaper.

Today is Mother's Day wooohoo. Can you hear the sarcasm in that. I don't understand holidays like this, and yes I am a mother. I do have to say that right now the sun is out and that is a wonderful surprise.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Back from the Windy City

Tuesday I left for Chicago and the flight out was ok. I was more excited about seeing my honey then being scared on the plane. I did have a nice smooth flight out and that for me is a great thing as I am not a good one to fly.

I got to the airport and because it was O'Hara the gate where Honeys flight landed changed about 5 times before I got to the right terminal. That is ok because I got in about 30 minutes early just enough time to grab some coffee to help steady my nerves. She flew in with her boss and so we all shared a cab ride over to the hotel. That was a bit awkward as all I wanted to do was touch her.

That is ok once we got into the hotel room there was a lot of touching. She did have to leave and go to the meetings, but we both new that was a part of the deal. I did hate it, but at least she got to come back to me.

On Wednesday we walked to Lake MI as she has never seen any of the great lakes. I love being able to share experiences like that with her. We then went back to the room for more never mind. We also went and saw Wrigley field. I am not a baseball fan and neither is she but it was a neat old building. It is to bad that it is going to be torn down.

Coming back was hard. The flight out was rough lots of turbulence and the seat belt light remained on for most of the flight.

It is not the flight that made it bad coming back home. It is that my Honey and I had to say good by again. I miss her so much, I have an ache that just won't go away when she is not here.

There is good news, we are going to be having a week together at the end of June. A week no meetings, no plans just being together. Then she is talking about December and seeing if we can get tickets to go to and see Cher. I am hoping that these trips will make the time seem shorter until we can actually live together and not have to worry about long good bys.